Tag Archives: blogs

What’s not to like about the like button

20130916-083106.jpgLast week Kristin and I were discussing blog stats for Tourniquet. I’m not really a stats person, the information is too broad and impersonal in most cases for me. This is a striking difference in Kristin and I’s personalities, because she’s fantastic with managing stats. I pay attention to the stats enough to get a vague understanding of all the things you’re supposed to understand when looking at statistics, Kristin, on the other hand, is driven to understand in great detail the ebb and flow of traffic, where it comes from, what produces more of it, etc.

In our conversation we got to talking about how many times something or other had been ‘liked’ and people ‘liking’ it on facebook versus ‘liking’ it on our site. In all that talk about ‘liking’ I told Kristin how much I don’t like the like button sometimes. To me it feels like pseudo communication, you push the like button to communicate a vague sense of appreciation or approval of what a person is saying or posting, but there’s no real commitment there because there are no words there to indicate whether you like because you sympathize, agree, approve of their passion whether or not you approve of their message.

Then there are those comments that you do get time to time in addition to a ‘like’ or without one that go something like, “I wish I could super like this!” or “When are they going to invent a ‘dislike’ button?” And I want to shout, “USE YOUR WORDS!”

Don’t get me wrong, I was up on my proverbial soap box about ‘liking’ and fully admitting that I am just as guilty of employing the use of the like button as the next person. It’s convenient when I’m on a break skimming my Facebook news feed to blanket like status updates and things that have been shared. It’s easy, it’s quick, and it says, “Hey, I see you said that.” And I’m for letting the people in my sphere know they are seen even when they’re just broadcasting what they had for lunch that day.

The thing is, as I thought about it then and ever since that conversation a week ago today, what I’ve realized is, I don’t want the ‘like’ button to be my default response. I crave communication and understanding of how and what people think, so I really appreciate it when people take the time to leave comments on my updates and blog posts. I have to assume that if ‘likes’ make other people feel good, that actual communication with them and expression of how whatever they’ve said has impacted me will make them feel better.

This is especially true in a world where a dislike button has NOT been created. Don’t you think that’s just a little funny? Our social media outlets are set up so that when we agree or approve we have the “convenience” of expressing it quickly and vaguely, but we read something we don’t agree with or approve of and we want to express ourselves we’re forced into confrontation. Therefore, the majority of the time when we’re actually communicating with words, we’re communicating something negative or upsetting. That’s just sad.

I gave myself a little challenge after that conversation with my sister in order to “be the change I wish to see in the world” (ha) and I’ve spent the past week taking as many opportunities  to comment and leave words in place of or in addition to ‘liking’ what people have to say. I’ll be honest and say it’s not always been easy. Getting out of like-brain is a little difficult at first, which just made me all the more determined because  it indicated just how deeply the habit was rooted.

Yes, commenting has been more time consuming.
Yes, there were times when I had to sit and think for a minute about what exactly I wanted to say, or why I actually liked something or even if I actually liked it.

At first it felt as though there was gravitational pull to the like button, but more quickly than I could have hoped for that feeling started to fade and I found myself reaching for the comment link automatically. I also found that I was paying attention to things differently, my brain was looking for things in my friends words to respond to. It’s great!

The real reward, however, came late last night when after leaving a very simple one word comment on something one of the teenage girls I work with had written, she commented back saying, “I really appreciate your participation in my status updates lately!”

We haven’t had any deep conversations.
We haven’t even had long conversations.

All I did was replace my ‘likes’ with words and it mattered. It was noticeable and appreciated, because real communication is important.

I’m not suggesting we all abandon the ‘like’ button completely, even though it would be nice, I know it will never happen. What I suggest is more awareness for the words we leave behind us and not let them be mostly negative. We have many wonderful words in our vocabulary to communicate love, approval, agreement, encouragement and comfort, to name just a few, let’s not limit ourselves to ‘liking’ things and take the time to communicate what we really feel.

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Food For Thought: Part 3 (God Loves Me)

part3As promised, I’ll be finishing up my thoughts on Brent Bailey’s post The Crisis of Relationship with God. You can read parts 1 & 2 here and here.

I want to mention again that while I’m not trying to devalue how these issues specifically effect members of the gay community, I’m also really passionate about seeing the “us vs. them” mentality take a hike. The way to do this is find ways to relate as people without a subtitle.  I am thankful that Brent took the time to explain challenges he faced in his relationship with God and the church and for the insight it provides into what others may be going through.  I’m also thankful for the realization that what he describes is not so different from some of my own experience, even though I am female and straight.

In the second half of his post Brent moves into what I think is a really great description of two essential elements of being in relationship with God.

 Two thousand years of Christian history have taught us developing a relationship with God requires two basic components that seem to be non-negotiable. The first is spending time with God through spiritual disciplines like solitude, silence, and scripture. The second is interacting with a consistent group of other Christians through participation in a local church, an intentional faith community, a religious order, or some other body of faith. Neither of these works without the other, but in my experience, both of these can be problematic for gay people.

Brent’s suggestion for why gay people may have a difficult time with these two components has to do with a persons understanding of how they are loved by God. Brent says,

You know as well as I do that affirming, “God loves everyone” is entirely different from affirming, “God loves me,” and the reason I equivocated was that my intellectual assent to the reality of God’s unconditional love did not translate into any sort of emotional, gut-level confidence that God loved me. You’ll notice I’m not saying anything about approval or sanction of certain behaviors. Before I even had the chance to get to those questions, I struggled mightily to believe God loved me: that God was for me rather than against me, that God was interested in me and actually cared about me, and that God desired a relationship with me as an individual.

This really resonated with me because I can understand the struggle to internalize and personalize God’s love.  I’ve spent my whole life in church and my relationship with God started when I was five, but it wasn’t until the last several years that I began to understand how God sees me.  I believe that coming to this understanding is a journey every Christian makes, and I have great empathy for gay Christians because most of us don’t have to deal with picket signs declaring how God hates us on top of everything else that might be telling us we are unlovable, but even still… being loved by the Creator of the Universe is not something that comes to anyone without struggle and doubt and questions. This should unite us. This should give us reason to relate to one another.

The  difficulties in the second component, participating in a faith community, are not unexpected. Brent points out the possibility of pain associated with the church and the difficulty of being in the minority. These things are understandable and true.  I don’t mean to beat a dead horse here, but again, I feel like a lot of the solution relies on our ability to see what we all have in common. I have known many people who’ve suffered hurt from the church for a variety for reasons that mostly have nothing to do with sexuality. I know others who find themselves at odds with the church body because they don’t see where they fit because their circumstances throw them into a very small category.

These are things that happen in the church to people. None of them are things that are specific to one group, so I have to believe that part of the solution is recognizing what we have in common and letting it unite in our desire to know God instead of looking for how we are the exception to the rule, or believing that we are a special case and that no one can understand us.

At the end of the day, for any of this to get better, we have to drop the labels– the ones we have for ourselves and the ones we have for others.  Has anyone else noticed that our labels come ahead of our distinction as Follower of Christ? Gay Christian, Straight Christian, Single Christian, Married Christian, Liberal Christian, Conservative Christian… I could go on.

Perhaps these assignments speak a lot of truth about what it is we are really following, and perhaps that’s something we should put some serious thought into. Jesus is the one thing we all have in common, why not define ourselves through Him and stop there?

Young People Walking in Meadow

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Food For Thought: Part 2

part2In yesterday’s post I used some quotes from this post by Brent Bailey.  I’ve decided that my thoughts and comments on this one blog post are probably going to be spread out over three posts of my own. I just can’t seem to cram it all into one or even two.

Today I am just going to write about a concept I started thinking more about after reading it and I’m going to start by telling you the story of one of the single most horrifying moments of my adult life. I bet you’re ready to read now, aren’t you? =)

In March of 2010 I moved to Dallas for work in the cosmetic industry. I was offered a promotion with the company I was with, and at the time it seemed like I was going to have a very strong future with this company, so I took it even though I had no family or friends in that area, and I had never lived that far from my friends and family in my life.

I had known that it would be a challenge, that there would be loneliness, and in His mercy God eventually brought me the best friend I could ask for (and Sarah if you’re reading this, I still believe that getting to know and hang out with you and Mark made Dallas totally worth it), but I was not prepared for just how lonely lonely could be.

I am a born and raised Central Texan and I like to be outside in the sun. I wasn’t expecting the extreme weather differences I’d experience in North Texas. In that first winter there I dealt with having to drive to work in three feet of snow, the most snow I’d seen on the ground in my life. I learned I don’t care for snow, or being cold. At all. Between the weather and the loneliness I was facing some pretty serious depression.  I knew I needed to try to find a church to get involved in, so I emailed a man I’d met through work who had become a youth pastor for the Fort Worth campus of a certain mega church in the DFW area and he put me in touch with a female friend of his who was a member of the campus closest to where I lived.

After a nice chat on the phone, I agreed to meet the woman in the church book store Sunday morning and sit with her group for service. I was so relieved to be getting some interaction with people outside of work, I gathered all my courage and braved icy roads and a 45 minute drive to get to the church on time.  The other woman and I met, her friends were kind and welcoming, and the service was pretty much what I expected at a church like that, which I don’t say to sound negative. It was just a typical Sunday in a BIG BIG church. After the service was over I was prepared to head home and have lunch, but the group encouraged me to come with them to a “class” they all attended after the service. Things had gone well, so I thought, “Why not!” This is where it all started to go downhill.

We went upstairs to what looked like a youth room… except for adults. As we were walking in the door the group I had been with dispersed and I was on my own. There was a guy greeting people, handing out name tags and assigning them a table. At that point I wasn’t overly worried, I’d seen similar things before. I assumed there would be small group discussion and table assignments were a good way to mix the group every week.

I headed to my assigned table where there was exactly one person seated. Something about her body language suggested that she wasn’t at all comfortable with the whole set up and that she was probably new as well. I decided to sit next to her, perhaps it would make us both feel better to be next to someone in a similar situation.  I’d barely gotten seated when she leaned over to talk to me and the conversation went something like this:

Worried Girl: You’ve never been here before have you?

Me: No, this is my first visit.  Have you been in this class before?

Worried Girl: Just once. Last week was my first time… Do you know what you’ve gotten yourself into? Did they tell you what kind of class this was?

Me: *starting to feel nervous* No? I was told it was just a young adult class, I assumed it was something like a Sunday school class.

Worried Girl: *glancing carefully around the room and leaning closer to whisper* It’s not a young adults class… it’s a single young adults class. This is a class to teach you how to date. I didn’t know when they convinced me to come.

Me: *panic beginning to rise*  What!?!

Worried Girl: That’s right, a dating class! And just wait… in a minute this table will be full, there will be a talk about how to be more successful at dating and then the leader of this table will ask you really uncomfortable questions. Get ready.

Me: Is this just a series they are on right now? Will it be over in a couple of weeks?

Worried Girl: Nope. I asked. All of the people here are looking for spouses, so they have the class and mix the group and hope that they eventually find a match.  I don’t know why I came back, except I’m curious to see if it works.

Me: *panic rendering me speechless*

singleAt that point my worried friend took the opportunity of filling my horrified silence with talk about her cats, all six of them, and I started wondering if I was really awake or if this was all a nightmare. Sadly, she wasn’t exaggerating, it was absolutely a dating class and the horribly  awkward question I was asked during our small group discussion was if I would share how I learned about “the birds and the bees” in front of my whole table.  I passed on the question, much to the tables disappointment, and then passed on ever going back to that church again.

After I read Brent’s post, specifically the parts about knowing God’s intent for our lives and sexuality within the church, I got to thinking about this experience and it really sunk in how uncomfortable most churches are with singleness and the pressure and frustration that can cause for people.

Much harder to bear than my own feelings about singleness are how some of the people around me feel. The idea that one could be single and celibate for life is viewed by many as a last resort rather than a reasonable option. After some conversation about that very idea, I have to wonder if maybe that also plays a part in the observation I quoted yesterday about gay Christians in more traditional churches and their sense of belonging. Both Catholic and Orthodox churches have traditions of celibacy, which is something that Protestant churches have stepped far, far away from, but I think those traditions help keep singleness from becoming its own sort of taboo within the church and allows for less pressure on individual people.

I suppose, having most of my church experience come from Southern Baptist and Non-Denomination churches, I find liturgical churches fascinating. In my experience, especially in the last 10 years or so, there’s a lot of “what you see is what you get” mentality in mainstream church culture in an attempt to be very “authentic” and “real”.  Churches seem to want to be approachable and informal in a way that makes people feel welcome and accommodated, I just wonder if in that process we’ve lost touch with meaning, and more I’m starting to question whether this style of church is even coming close to accomplishing the end goal that’s supposed to be justifying the means.

Maybe, just maybe, some of the answers we’re looking for aren’t in something new, but in something ancient.

Look for Part 3 on Monday!

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Food for Thought.

Food-for-thoughtYesterday I came across a blog post on Twitter  called The Crisis of Relationship with God by a man named Brent Bailey. I don’t know a whole lot about Brent just yet, but I really appreciated some of the insights I found in that blog post and wanted to share some important things I think it highlighted, here. I definitely encourage you to go and read the whole post for yourself though.

For me this blog post identifies some issues that I think are very much worth paying attention to and some that I, personally, don’t see come up very often. I’m going to use a couple quotes from the post and then respond to them with my thoughts–

It’s a bizarre time to be a gay Christian if you’re connected at all to conservative circles. Only recently has a gay-affirming sexual ethic gathered momentum on a broad level, and gay Christians who once received a conclusive answer from other Christians about homosexuality now encounter ambivalence when they seek to determine God’s will for their lives. That ambivalence can be soothing when it provides much-needed space to ask questions and give words to emotions that have long felt unutterable, but that ambivalence can become maddening when it sends gay people on a seemingly endless journey to determine what they believe and whether they’re prepared to handle the consequences of those convictions.

The key word for me that flew off the screen was ambivalence. I feel like I’ve been sensing this emotion permeating mainstream Protestant church culture for a while, but somehow never put my finger on it until I read it in that paragraph. I’m going to do a whole lot of leveling the playing field here because, while I understand Brent’s point is to speak directly to how these issues are effecting gay Christians, my purpose is to find common ground. And not only that, but to see Christians come to place of unity, where we recognize the issues facing The Body and support one another, not as gay Christians and straight Christians, or liberal Christians and conservative Christians, but simply as brothers and sisters in Christ.

One of the biggest problems I see in mainstream churches today is that there’s no real discipleship going on. I see it most commonly in “seekers” or “new Christians” and I can most definitely see it being a frustration for gay Christians as well. So many churches have adopted a habit of openness, which in theory seems good, grace-filled, and loving, but doesn’t actually give much direction. Once you cross the threshold of being out of relationship with God to being in relationship with Him, often people find themselves wondering, Now, what does being in relationship with God look like in my life? And, unfortunately, in a lot of mainstream churches you’ll be hard-pressed to get a real or consistent answer from anyone. We are very concerned that people know that God will meet them where they are, and that’s good, but the trouble is that instead of exemplifying that truth in the way we relate to the people around us while being committed ourselves to loving God back through obedience to Him in our own lives, we’ve kind of turned that on its head.

I know that it’s not something that’s limited only to my generation, but it’s something I see my generation in particular becoming more and more fed up with– Since love has become deluded down to a general sense of positive feelings towards God and other people, we don’t understand how love and relationship means self-sacrifice and what that looks like realistically in our lives. This should be where discipleship steps in, where we learn, through faith and church tradition, what to actualize relating to God and to others looks like day-to-day, but in mainstream Protestant church culture ‘tradition’ has come to be viewed as a dirty, oppressive word. Which leads to the next quote…

[Side note: A friend and I recently noticed how gay people involved in more established, historical traditions that emphasize submission to church authority, like Catholics, rarely seem to face this same uncertainty about what they ought to believe—not because they’re unthinking or uncritical, but because they’re confident in church teachings and trust the church will support them in their obedience. Those Christian circles with more diversity of belief seem more apt to engender the anxiety I’m describing.]

The emphasis there is mine because from my perspective this is really important observation. This makes me want to sit back, take a deep breath and just think for a while. It’s sobering to me on a lot of different levels. I don’t question that the intent of how we’ve tried to be open in churches has been bad, but that we’ve gone about it in much the wrong way, and as a result people are struggling inside the church with trying to relate to God. I am absolutely FOR people knowing that they don’t have to clean themselves up to know God and I am absolutely FOR churches discipling  people as they learn to relate to God and I believe with all of my heart that church tradition plays a major role in that.

Trust me when I say I know how old-fashioned this could make me look, and I know I run the risk of causing people to believe that I am too conservative or legalistic in some way or another, but if you know me at all, you have to know that is not true. I believe that these ancient faith traditions are bold, that they teach us to reach for something beyond ourselves in a culture that is constantly encouraging us to only look inside ourselves. I need that and clearly so do other Christians.

There’s a LOT more in this post that I can dig into, honestly, it has the wheels in my brain turning so fast I can hardly keep up, so I may revisit it in a second post of my own. Again, I want to emphasize that I feel really passionately about losing the labels we have for one another, and not to water down Brent’s experience as a gay Christian, for which I am really grateful that he took the time to share. I know that the mainstream church has only just begun to wrap their heads around the idea of gay Christians and that it’s still met with a lot of vehement opposition, but I almost feel as though we needed the label just long enough to undo it. That what we should be striving to see is that none of us should be a Christian with a subtitle, but that we are all Followers of Christ who sin and struggle with the common goal of relating to God and understanding how we are loved by Him.

I welcome your comments… unless they are to tell me that I’ve become and old woman, to which my response will be to throw my cane at you. ;>

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Jesus Stalkers

“Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

And with that, Jesus speaks what I consider to be one of the most frightening verses in the Bible.  I mean, really, how can these guys get so many things right, and yet Jesus says He never knew them?

We are terrifically modern people.  As average people, we are able to know more than at any other time in history.  We have a world of knowledge available to us.  We are able to endlessly study the Bible, read countless commentaries, even learn the original languages…

…and yet, despite all of the wonderful things we know, I wonder if any of us will be the ones saying “Lord, Lord.”  continue reading

 

 

Matt Appling is an Author, Art Teacher, Pastor and blogger ( and I’m sure many other wonderful things as well) , he started The Church of No People blog in 2008.

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Amen Sister!

alanandleslieIn this awesome post by Leslie Chambers (wife of Alan Chambers President of Exodus International ) she shares about her marriage, grace and true freedom in Christ! Read and enjoy! From the Exodus Blog. . .

Leslie Chambers Tackles Heterosexuality, Hyper-Grace, and Offers Hope.

Have you ever wondered what people think of you? As my husband is Alan Chambers, the President of Exodus International, I have. At present, he is somewhat of a conundrum for a lot of people. There seems to be some confusion about who he is, what he is saying and what he stands for. Here it is in a nutshell: while he has repeatedly stated his biblically orthodox view of sexuality, he has also stated his belief that one particular sin is not somehow more offensive to God than another. As his wife, I have stayed out of most of the chaos, but there are a few things that I cannot be silent about any longer. So here it goes… click here to read the rest!

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Video Tuesday: The Huffington Post on Mixed Orientation Marriages

Well I couldn’t get the video to show up in the post so you will have to click this link to watch this fascinating discussion on Mixed Orientation Marriages.

On the panel they have

Juliet Jeske – Check out her blog post One ‘Straight Spouse’ for Marriage Equality on the Huffington Post site.

Ty Mansfield – He is sharing his story of Living With Same Sex Attractions with the world in this wonderful blog post by he and his wife

Carren Strock – She is the author of the book Married Women Who Love Women

Amity Buxton- She is the author and founder of Straight Spouse Network

I wish they had been able to talk more about the family and kids of those in MOMs but I still think it’s worth listening to and I would love to hear feedback. I think as the days go by we will see more and more discussion on this topic and I think it is important for families like ours to speak out and share our stories good or bad.

This is a video of our dad talking about being married to our mom.

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Thoughts on Life: Don’t They Know It’s The End Of The World?

Thinking_44121810I’ve been thinking about some big things. Now, I will be the first to tell you that

  1. I might be way over my head in these ponderings, and

  2. I might also be completely wrong ( or at least a little off base :)

But let me go on and you can add your thoughts and ideas and arguments in the comments, I would love that.

In our current social/political climate I think it’s understandable that I would be asking a lot of questions about the fate of our world, from gun laws and mass shootings to same sex marriage and divorce, I think it’s fair to say the moral compass of our land is in question but my big thoughts are more concerned with  the roles of the church and followers of Christ in this present situation.Are we really doing what , based on the Bible, our beliefs command us to do?As a very wise friend of mine said, in a fabulous blog post you should totally read

“ In the Great Commission it says to make disciples of all nations … not disciple the nation.”

If, as the Bible teaches us , we believe that this world will part ways with the way God intended it to be to the point that Jesus returns, what then is our role in this predictable sinking ship, if you will ?

As Galadriel says in The Lord of the Rings ” The time of the elves is over.Do we leave Middle-Earth to this fate? Do we let them stand alone?”

If we look at Jesus in the Gospels we do not see a man concerned with the political arena, a man desperate to change the morals of the people by way of the laws of the land. We see our Saviour in the communities he finds himself, reaching out for connections with the people. We see Him meeting their needs, reaching into their lives through relationship, compassion, kindness.

Right now is a trying and yet wonderful time to be a part of the Body of Christ, Grace is being taught and lived in our churches in a more honest way than it has been in a long time, but at the same time our influence in the world is  decreasing.Truthfully I would have to say that we are in the middle of two extremes, on one side we are overly concerned with “ discipling  the nation” and on the other we are courting the worlds affection and second guessing every sermon to make sure we aren’t offending anyone. I know this is not an easy road to navigate,it’s right for us to proclaim the Gospel and to be fearless in our desire for holiness, and  it’s right for us to challenge ourselves against scripture and check our selves to make sure we are being loving and speaking truth in that love , at the same time Jesus made it very clear that the world would hate us the way they hated Him.  (John 15:18) Can we handle that?

In an open letter to the American Church, author Brennan Manning wrote at length about the state of our church today , the whole letter is worth reading but I will only quote a bit of it here, You can read the rest in his book The Signature of Jesus.

“If the apostle (Paul) were to return to the earth today, I believe he would call the entire American church to return to the discipline of the secret. This ancient practice of the apostolic church was implemented to protect the sacred name of Jesus Christ from mockery and the mysteries of the Christian faith from profanation. The ancient church avoided mention of baptism, Eucharist, and the death and resurrection of Christ in the presence of the unbaptized. Why?  Because the most persuasive witness was the way one lived, not the words one spoke. Soren Kierkegaard once described two types of Christians: The first group comprises those who imitate Jesus Christ; the second are those who are content to speak about him. “ (emphasis mine)

If we are supposed to leave people with no question of our faith and if the best way to demonstrate and share our faith is through showing real tangible love in the ways that Jesus demonstrated then aren’t we called to be set apart by our unfathomable love for others and extreme acts of grace and mercy ?To truly set ourselves apart by our actions in this world? Perhaps living our faith out loud is not about standing on a street corner yelling about the sins of the world but being a people that act so differently that the world is forced to ask “ what is the hope that is in you?”

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Fantastic Article: Being Gay at Jerry Falwell’s University

This post is so good, it’s long but read the whole thing. Man if we could all show love this way and have this kind of impact on our fellow humans the world would be such a different place.

It was the fifth time that night that my Theology and Biblical Greek professor was calling. And, like the previous times, no way was I answering the phone. I knew why he was calling. Earlier that day, I emailed all of my professors to tell them I’d made the difficult decision to withdraw from school. As my cell phone went to voice mail, I crawled into bed under my covers, dreading the next morning when the rest of my professors would get my email, when the university would call my parents, when my roommates would ask me why I wasn’t waking up for class. “Why did I come here?” I asked myself. “Out of all the colleges in the world, why did I pick this one?”….

Read the rest of the article here!

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Easter Things!

OldRuggedCross_Sept06cropBWsmall.sized_Easter is such an important time. A sacred time of reflection,  thankfulness, Victory, love and remembrance. This year I have been so overwhelmed with the amazing works of tribute to this important weekend that I couldn’t think of anything better to do for our readers than to just share those things with you. So here is a list of some of the things that have been a blessing to me this Easter. If you think of something that should be on this list, share it in the comments and I will be sure to add it. Happy Easter Y’all!

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